Can the Narcissist Change?


Hello, everyone. This is Lisa Wilson with the Aspen Center for Empowerment and Healing. Thank you so much for being here today.

Today, I want to talk about a question that continues to be presented to me in the work that I do. I read about it online, and it's just a hot question. And that question is:

Can the narcissist heal themselves from being a narcissist?

And the thing that I want to say about that is—let's ask a different question. Let's actually go into a more powerful question, which would be:

Will the narcissist ever choose to heal themselves?

Will they choose to heal themselves from it?

Can they heal themselves from it? Absolutely.

Can people change? Absolutely.

The narcissist is your greatest teacher. They're your biggest gift. If you have brought a narcissistic personality disorder experience into your life, you did it because you wanted to really step into the truth of Who You Are. You did it to wake up.

Anything is possible. We live in the most incredible universe where anything is possible. But a more powerful question would be:

Will they?

Let's dive in there. One of the things that I have witnessed on this journey and in the understanding that I have around narcissistic personality disorder is that I understand this pattern from all aspects.

I had a life experience at the age of 9 of being face-to-face with a serial killer. Through the spiral of life—because it's a constant spiral—as we go up the spiral, we'll continue to bring to us the same experiences in different ways to allow us to either do the work around healing it or have a deeper understanding of it.

What happened to me, which ignited a spiritual awakening for me that opened up my third eye and activated my clarity and understanding, was I brought that same energy of what I experienced at 9 when the serial killer came to me, as I witnessed it locking its eyes onto my son. And I chased this man down the street.

Then I went into nature. I went on a hike, and I commanded to see it clearly. I was then led through a journey over the course of a few years that brought in the clarity, awareness, and understanding for me to see it on all levels.

So when I talk about “Will a narcissist change?” and what I'm ready to say about that, I want you to understand why I'm saying it and where this is coming from. Because I say it without a shadow of a doubt. Because of the clarity, awareness, and understanding that I was gifted to receive and to see.

At the time when I was brought through this journey of seeing it from an energy perspective—whooh! That scared the daylights out of me. What I saw, most people will never see, and I was able to see it clearly.

I knew that there was a reason for my asking that question. Number one, my being willing to receive the answer to that question. Number two, my figuring out what to do with what I saw after that. And I knew, and this is why I do the work I do.

So, let's just first say right off the bat—the narcissist is your greatest teacher. They're your biggest gift. They have a big red bow on their head.

I want you to see them as a present with a big bow. Because if you have brought a narcissistic personality disorder experience into your life, you did it because you wanted to really step into the truth of Who You Are. You did it to wake up.

Yet, there's always a choice. We have free will to choose to either see the glass half-empty or half-full. It's up to you. So I will just share my understanding and my take on it:

An honest person will never understand the nature of a dishonest person because it's not your nature. It's not who you are.

Will the narcissist change? No. Most won't.

Why won't they change? Why will they choose not to change?

Let me just say a quote that I say all the time because this really helps my clients understand it. It was something that just came through me. I woke up just saying it over and over and over again. I use it often now. It is this:

An honest person will never understand the nature of a dishonest person because it's not your nature. It's not who you are.

That's profound. When you really understand that aspect of it—an honest person will never understand the nature of a dishonest person because it's not your nature. It’s not who you are.

And the same is true for the opposite: A dishonest person will never believe in the honesty and the authenticity of an honest person because it's not who they are.

My father had extreme narcissistic personality disorder tendency and traits. He didn't trust the world. He thought everybody was out to get him. He, of course, would align himself with life experiences to prove him right. That was his vibrational frequency, and that's what he always brought in. It even anchored in his belief even more. He never understood that anybody could have integrity.

But I honestly don't necessarily think he knew what integrity was at a human level because it wasn't in his nature. It wasn't how he was raised. It wasn't his life experience.

So I share that because of the question: “Will a narcissist change?”

They will choose, most likely, not to. And let me now say why I believe that to be true.

Most people with narcissistic personality disorder—take a deep breath because this one doesn't always sit well with people, and when you can get this, when you can really let this sink in at a cellular level, then you have the ability to make a choice from this awareness, clarity, and understanding.

Narcissists will not choose to change because they believe that honesty, integrity, transparency, and vulnerability are weaknesses. That is your weakness. They see it as a weakness. They believe that’s not something they ever want in themselves. That's a weakness.

I really want you to integrate that and sync with that because it's huge.

When you get that, then you'll understand why they're not capable of choosing to heal from being narcissists. Because they actually like who they are at some level.

They’re very well aware of the emptiness that they feel. But to narcissists, your honesty, your vulnerability, and your integrity are weaknesses that they just don't want to have any part of. So they would rather feel the emptiness within themselves than fully step into their role as an honest and integrity-based person.

Narcissists will not choose to change because they believe that honesty, integrity, transparency, and vulnerability are weaknesses.

I have had so many experiences in my physical life to shine a light on that and in a beautiful way.

I recently read a story I went through a few years ago in my community. I had a lot of clients that were impacted by Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi scheme. He is an extreme sociopath, who is on the verge of being a psychopath.

When you understand how this personality trait thinks—the mindset of this human—then you have an awareness to really see it through a clear lens.

Anyway, I was reading one of the Harvard Business journals recently, and I actually listened to an interview of a man who interviewed Bernie Madoff in prison.

Although he had a lot of aspects correct about him, there was a piece that he was missing. Because Bernie Madoff’s son killed himself and his wife divorced him, there was a fallout around this man's behavior. People really do believe that those experiences would bring him into a place of remorse, that he would open up his heart, and that this is going to change him.

And yet he's in prison, and I guarantee you, he's doing something very similar to the people he's hanging out with in prison.

They actually find joy in creating chaos, destruction, havoc, and pain in others. They find joy in your suffering and in your pain. I know that's a really strong statement, and yet I have witnessed it many times over and over and over.

So, will a narcissist change? Most likely, they will not.

Can they change? Absolutely.

Can they have an awakening that cracks them open at their heart? Absolutely.

We live in an amazing universe. There’s so much magic and power. But the thing that you need to understand, first and foremost, is most likely, narcissists will not change.

And it's up to you to love yourself so much and to trust yourself so explicitly that the actions and the choices that you make are for taking care of yourself first and foremost.

It's one of the gifts that the narcissist brings to you—to teach you how to take care of yourself.

It's one of the gifts that the narcissist brings to you—to teach you how to take care of yourself. Because most likely, if you've brought a narcissist into your life, it's because you give too much. You people-please.

Part of that wounded core self is the opposite of the narcissist, you care-take and you give off your heart. You have a big heart.

Part of the balance for you is learning to really discern who you give to, learning how to take care of yourself, and saying no to situations that don't feel good.

By |2020-04-27T13:35:15-06:00April 8th, 2019|Invocations|Comments Off on Can the Narcissist Change?