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Hello, everyone. This is Lisa Wilson with the Aspen Center for Empowerment and Healing. Thank you so much for being here.
In today's conversation, I want to dive into the terminology that I use around narcissistic personality disorder and healing from toxic relationships.
Just to make things very clear, this is what I always say to my clients, and I’m going to say it to you now: When you are working with any type of toxic relationship, these experiences are a gift. They are your greatest teacher.
I know that is hard to digest and really hard to understand sometimes. But first, let me just say that you are not a victim. If this type of experience has come to you, you brought it to you to help you wake up and to support you in shining a light in the areas within you that need to be healed.
When you are working with any type of toxic relationship, these experiences are a gift. They are your greatest teacher. You are not a victim. If this type of experience has come to you, it is to help you wake up and to support you in shining a light in the areas within you that need to be healed.
As we bring in more light, that light shines through those cracks. And we can shore up those areas where there might be a disconnect within ourselves.
Narcissists are a magnet to our inner wounded selves. We all have a woundedness within our human self. It's just a part of being human and being in this life.
So let me talk about narcissistic personality disorder and really dive into the understanding that I have around it.
I look at it as a scale. On one end of the scale is an over-inflated ego, and on the extreme side of the scale is the psychopath. In the middle is the sociopath. But the one thing I have witnessed and experienced myself in dealing with this type of personality disorder is that anything goes. It's extremely deceptive. It's cunning and manipulative. And it's all over the scale.
On one side, it could be just an over-inflated ego. On the other extreme side, you'll see traits of sociopathic behavior all the way into some pretty dark behavioral patterns.
I'm not here to sugarcoat this experience by any means. But what I am here to say is that you are a powerful creator, and we don't call to us anything into our lives that we can't handle.
If you've called in this type of experience to you—a relationship with an extremely difficult personality disorder—then you've called it to you to shore up that part of yourself that is wounded, to shine a light into the shadow.
When we shine a light into our own shadow selves, when we bring the shadow aspects back home into ourselves and integrate it back into ourselves, magic happens. A transformation happens beyond words.
Let me take it even further. I've experienced this type of personality disorder across the board. And the one thing I'm going to tell you is that absolutely everything is energy.
When you can understand what that means and also know it, it is going to go a really long way on your healing journey from this experience. This is because the narcissist is a master magician when it comes to manipulating people. They use your five senses.
I was just sharing in a conversation recently with a woman that I work with. I said, “What's so interesting is even when I was walking into the situation and I was very well aware of it, I witnessed and observed the way that this manipulation was taking place by using the five senses: smell, taste, sound... They build on your emotional body. They access you in a way that opens you up to trusting them. This is where they do all their work.”
Energy is everything. It's not what you are actually seeing, but it's how you’re feeling. Is there something there that doesn't feel right?
You are a powerful creator, and we don't call to us anything into our lives that we can't handle.
I’ll share a little story about what happened to me when I was nine. I came face-to-face with a serial killer. The only way I can explain that to you is in that experience, I could just feel him. I could feel the darkness of who he was. There wasn't a whole lot of light in this human, and he was a nasty person.
He ended up doing significant damage on this earth. He murdered a lot of children. It wasn't just that he murdered them, he mutilated them and raped them. And I was face-to-face with him.
He showed up as a postman driving a mail car. He got out, and he came right up to me. There was nobody around me. I just felt him, and I knew to get out of there.
Now from that time of being nine, I realized that the one thing that a narcissist is really good at is planting seeds of doubt and getting you to question who you are, what you feel, or how you're experiencing things.
So if you're in a relationship with a narcissist or if you were born into a family dynamic of narcissistic personality disorder, this experience is hard to detect because it has been a part of you for so long, and they infiltrate every aspect of you.
They do it in such a creative, deceiving kind of a way that you're not even aware that it's happening. Or even if you are aware, which is what happens over time, you start to get a little more clarity on the behaviorial pattern that you're witnessing.
Yet at the same time, they're still doing what they do best—getting into your subconscious program. Because they work on the wounded aspect of you. They work at that core wound.
When we have a wound within us, it's a part of our self that has been fragmented. It has been separated.
If you look at a lot of the healers of indigenous tribes—the shamans, the medicine men or women—they would do soul retrieval work, which is bringing in those fragmented aspects of you back home.
Because until you bring in all of those various parts of yourself, you're operating from that wound. That's the vibrational frequency.
The one thing that a narcissist is really good at is planting seeds of doubt and getting you to question who you are, what you feel, or how you're experiencing things.
When I say that the narcissist is a gift. The narcissist is a gift because when you become aware of the behavior, the pattern, then you become aware of the wound within you. You start to ask different questions.
You could start to look within, and you could see. You can see within yourself those parts of yourself that need to be healed and brought back home to you.
Energy work is the way that I found was what I needed in order to really do this soul retrieval work and bring in these fragmented aspects of me. Then it's illuminating our own shadow because the narcissist operates in the shadow, and it plays on your shadow.
If there's a part of you that is not accepting yourself in any way, they will access you from that point. It becomes the weak spot they ignite. They shine a light on that spot within you that needs to be healed.
But it's up to you to look at it. It's up to you to be willing to dive in deep. This is not an easy journey, yet the outcome is profound. The gifts that you receive by doing this inner core work transforms you in a way that there are no words. The gifts that you receive are incredible.
The life you create for yourself after you've integrated these fragmented parts of yourself back home is unreal—a joy-filled life, an empowered life.
I share that because I know it catches people off-guard when I say the narcissist is a gift. There are times when people question my experience. Well, have you ever had an experience like I have?
I've experienced narcissistic personality disorder in every form. From this end of the scale of the over-inflated ego to the psychopath and everything in between. I have an awareness and understanding of it in ways that I know is a gift for me, that I get to share and illuminate for others to be able to see it as well.
We didn't come here to be a victim of this experience, and we sure didn't come here to play small. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that if you've aligned yourself in a relationship of this magnitude—and it is a great magnitude at that—that you called it to you in a really big way.
The narcissist is a gift because when you become aware of the behavior, the pattern, then you become aware of the wound within you. You start to ask different questions.
You say, “You know what? I really came here, into this lifetime to clear and heal the past, to bring all those parts of me back home, to shine bright, and to live a life of joy.” And in doing so, you illuminate that path for others as well.
So please follow me in these next few videos because we're going to dive in even deeper to what it means to be in relationships that are toxic and how to inoculate yourself from these experiences moving forward.Please like, subscribe, and share this video. I'll look forward to seeing you in the next conversation. Bye for now.